It has been said that “patience is a virtue”, yet waiting calmly seems to be a trait that is difficult to possess. With the advent of technology and the instant gratification that smartphones, apps, texts, and Amazon purchases bring us, it has become increasingly more difficult for younger generations to develop the ability to delay gratification. However, opportunities to practice patience are available to us each day.
- We can delay a frivolous purchase on our credit line and wait to save up the cash.
- We can wait silently and not make a fuss in a long checkout line where only one cashier is working and everyone seems to have a cart full of groceries.
- We can stay calm when our children are having a meltdown over which color cup they can use.
- We can choose to not react to the automated customer service on our phone with the aggravated, “Speak to a representative!” response the minute an automated system fails to understand us.
As a child development specialist, I know that patience is a skill, and like all early developmental skills, it must be taught. The best way to teach young children, adolescents, and adults alike is to model the behavior you wish to see in others. However, it is easier to be a patient adult when you learn patience as a child. Here are some tips on teaching younger children patience:
- Playing Freeze Dance pairs music and movement and requires young children to practice self-control and listening skills. It is also an easy game for younger children lacking language skills to understand. Model dancing to the music and freezing when it stops until the child catches on. Controlling their bodies will help aid in self-control.
- Use visual timers to make waiting concrete. This helps young children grasp the concept of time and allows them to see when things will become available to them. For example, practice taking turns by setting a timer for five minutes. When the timer goes off, it is the other child’s turn. Reset the timer and repeat. This will also help children with sharing, and they will learn to trust that they will get their turn if they wait patiently.
- Offer choices that delay gratification. For example, you can practice bargaining with your child by telling him that he can have one sugary snack (like a cookie or small candy) now or two if he waits until later when he inevitably asks for something sweet. This will teach him that he can have bigger rewards if he waits, which is an important lesson.
Studies have shown that the ability to delay gratification and control impulses as a young child has an impact on future academic success. This is because it takes patience to stop what you are doing, listen to instructions, and practice what you were just taught. Guiding our children in practicing delayed gratification and using technology responsibly to avoid the addiction of instant gratification is extremely important. Psychological research has shown that the more we use our smartphones, the less likely we are to engage in delayed gratification. Excessive smartphone use is associated with difficulties in cognitive-emotion regulation, impulsivity, impaired cognitive function, addiction to social networking, shyness and low self-esteem. It also increases mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and alcoholism.
“Tips on Managing Phone Usage in Early Childhood, Adolescence, and Adults”:
- For young children, avoid using smartphones prior to age two, if not longer.
- Create strict time limits for children ages two and above. Timers are helpful for younger children.
- Do not allow your adolescent to create social media accounts. The majority of smartphone use is spent on social media sites like Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, or Facebook. By abstaining from social media usage, you can prevent a lot of unwanted excessive smartphone use during adolescence. (I personally have this rule set for my own children and although my teenager was unhappy about it at first, she understands the reasoning behind the rule and sees the benefits of it when she compares herself to those who engage in social media forums.)
- For young children, avoid using smartphones prior to age two (if not longer).
- Turn off all push notifications so that you will not be tempted to continuously look at your phone.
- Most smartphones have the ability to set daily limits for each app. By setting limits on your own phone, you can cut down on your usage.
- Studies show that most excessive use is done unconsciously. Typically people shift from one app to another on their home screens. When you have to look for a specific app, you are less likely to use it. Put apps for reading or language learning on your home screen as opposed to others that suck you into scrolling for hours to avoid excessive social media use. Or better yet, delete social media apps from your smartphone so you utilize them less.
- Do not keep your phone near your bed and have designated times when you put them away (dinner, family time, etc.). By keeping them out of sight, you will not be tempted to consistently check them when you’re meant to be focused on your loved ones or getting rest. Designate a basket for phones and have everyone in your home shut them off and place them in the basket during those times.
- Stay accountable and monitor usage of your smartphone by installing an app that tracks your habits. You can use the apps to create goals and see how well you stick to them.
- One thing that has helped me with my iPhone usage was when I started utilizing the “Focus” mode. When you turn on the Focus mode you can’t open or get notifications from specific apps you choose. It’s a simple way to quickly block out the apps that you find the most distracting. I usually turn this on before playing with my preschooler, so I stay focused on him, as opposed to checking each notification, text, or email.
For more information on curbing smartphone use and responsible smartphone practices, check out the non-profit, Time Well Spent website at www.HumaneTech.com – which focuses on changing our relationships with technology. When we practice what we preach, model patience in our everyday activities, and model positive behaviors regarding our smartphone use, we will inevitably teach our children the skill and value of patience.
