For a very long time, I found myself engaging in people-pleasing behaviors because I did not value my own desires and needs. Having a lack of self-confidence in various areas, I found myself craving external validation and often felt that doing things for others would lead to approval and acceptance. It took years for me to recognize my own self-worth and begin to value my own gifts. I genuinely thought that I had grown out of the desire to appease everyone else at my own expense or the expense of my immediate family. I believed this because, for some reason, it more recently seemed a little easier to politely decline requests from others who required my time. I also had not felt the usual anxiety to accommodate and satisfy the needs of others around me for a while.
However, it recently hit me that the innate desire to please others had not been completely eliminated in its entirety from my personal behavior due to “deep revelation” or accelerated maturity. Rather, it was simply kept at bay for a period of time due to lack of opportunity.
After all, with quarantine mandates and social distancing restrictions over the past two years, interactions with people have been limited, thus minimizing the opportunities of potential people-pleasing. As soon as the holiday season kicked in this year, so did my tendency to overachieve in sustaining the happiness of others again. I immediately began sliding down the same slippery slope. I amicably accommodated others at the expense of my own priorities and desires, only to result in utter disappointment and complete exhaustion. I realized that I have more internal work to put into my own self in order to triumphantly overcome this sacrificial satisfying syndrome. Sometimes, when we have experienced painful past occurrences or trauma from emotional or physical abuse, we try to be as agreeable as possible in order to avoid triggering abusive conduct. Recognizing this is important in order for us to adjust our behavior and ensure that the past is not given power over the present. I spent so much time in my life trying to achieve the unattainable approval of the voices that meant the most to me that I began projecting that same behavior onto others who actually loved, valued, and accepted me effortlessly already. When I continuously take the time to notice and acknowledge that fact, I am reminded of my value and am given the freedom to properly channel my efforts to please others.