Creating and implementing boundaries in parenting is one of the most important ways that you can discipline a child. When we think about discipline, we often equate it with some sort of punishment. The two words, discipline and punishment, get used interchangeably when they do not mean the same thing. The word discipline comes from a latin word, disciplina, which means “instruction” and uses the root word, dicere, which means “to learn”. Discipline is to teach your children which is done by creating and implementing boundaries. A boundary in parenting is a family rule that you set. This can range from not allowing the child to play near a hot stove to not allowing them to hit you or others.
It is important that the rules are for the family – not just the child – as we teach our children by role modeling behaviors we want to see. For example, I do not use physical discipline (spanking) as hitting my child to teach them not to hit others is counterintuitive. In addition, physical discipline is punishment. Punishment is a way to utilize pain, whether physical or emotional, for the enforcement of rules. This is not the same as teaching boundaries as it only works if the parent is present to force a behavior. We want our children to respect boundaries and follow rules regardless of if we are physically present.
When we create boundaries, we can express and teach our children what our expectations are and give them the opportunity to do the right thing. When we punish our children, we are only teaching them to do what is right when someone is watching them.
The saying, “spare the rod, spoil the child” is a commonly used phrase to elicit punishments, however, in the Bible the rod was referring to a staff. Who in the bible used a staff? Moses and other shepherds used a staff to lead and guide their people. When we fail to use the rod (staff to guide) we spoil our children because we have failed to teach them right from wrong and to respect boundaries. The rod was not used as a weapon to enforce rules, but a tool to guide people.
Boundaries taught will lead to well-behaved children who not only respect family rules, but respect themselves. When a family rule is broken, there should be a consequence, whether natural or logical. A natural consequence to touching the hot stove is the child burns their hand and learns the hard way not to do that again. A logical consequence to hitting another person is to move the child who is hitting away from the person they hit and put them in a neutral space until they are calm enough for you to discuss why that was not an appropriate choice. Discipline is to teach and teaching does include consequences to actions. We want to set our children up to thrive and they cannot thrive if they do not have boundaries.
