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Balancing Act: Finding Time in the Mess of Motherhood

As a child welfare investigator, it is important to understand the family dynamics. Each time I interview a child, I ask the question, “What do you like most about your mom/dad?” One can imagine the array of answers I receive. I notice the pauses, the silence, or the quickness in each answer. It is in their answer that I can gain a better sense of their relationship. I love when I hear a child gush about their parents. Some children will go on and on about how wonderful their mother is and I find myself wondering if my own children would gush about me in the same way. How do we ensure that we not only provide basic needs for our children, but we ensure they feel and know our love?

The main answer is honestly time. We carve out the time to spend with them so we can give them our uninterrupted attention. We take the time to tune into their feelings, enter their worlds, and do things together that don’t have a direct purpose other than to enjoy each other’s company.

As a mother that works long days, comes home to do the housework, and spends my weekends

doing errands that I couldn’t squeeze into the weekdays – I understand that there just isn’t enough time in each day. This is why the quality of the little time we do have is so important.

Here are some easy ways to connect when time is not on your side:

  • Turn the phone off when you get home. Being unplugged means less distractions and adds time to your evenings.
  • Cook dinner together, or at least sit and eat the meal together.
  • Take an early morning or after dinner stroll around your block. My teen personally loves this and actually tells me she misses our walks when we go through periods where I am too busy working late in the office to make them happen.
  • Taking the time to get up early and make breakfast together is a lovely way to start our day connecting, especially weeks I know I am working late.
  • Making a part of one day a week dedicated to family. For us, it’s Sunday mornings. We get coffee, pick a hike, and spend the early morning together. The fresh air is usually what we all need, and the time is unplugged. I savor Sunday mornings and even though the kids sometimes complain of leg cramps or not being able to sleep in, I know they will appreciate it one day.

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