“Lasting love” is the hope and dream of every couple on their wedding day; it is the focus of so many romantic novels and the theme of many a movie, and yet, sadly, as we all know, many couples fail to experience and realize a love that goes the distance. There are many reasons for this disappointing result but the reality is, relationships are work! And while every relationship is unique and filled with its own nuanced challenges, history, and circumstances, Jacquie and I have found the following three steps or practices have helped strengthen our marriage of nearly forty-two years now.
First, we have established a time each week for a date. Faithfully keeping that date each week communicates a number of things to each other. It means spending time with our spouse is not only important but it is a priority to us. There is no other relationship in our lives more important than the one with our spouse (and yes, even more important than being a parent). So many couples grow apart due to the busyness of life, so we choose to set aside time each week to grow closer, and to nurture the intimacy that is so needed for lasting love.
The second commitment we made to each other is that of meeting each other’s fundamental needs. To be clear, we are not responsible for each other’s happiness for true happiness, peace, and joy come through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Nonetheless there are certain needs that only I can meet for my wife, and certain needs that only my wife can meet for me. Being open and honest about these needs with each other and then committing to meeting them has nourished a lifelong love for one another.
Finally, we have committed to never intentionally hurting one another. And when we fail, in our broken humanity, to keep that commitment, we ask for God’s grace to enable us to forgive one another, even as He has forgiven us. Lasting love…for us it has meant a weekly commitment to intimacy, meeting each other’s needs, and walking in forgiveness.
