“I AM”; Two of the most powerful words to be uttered. Combined they are words of creation and affirmation, or at their worst destruction. When we start a sentence or phrase with those two words, what follows is very powerful. Even when we use those words to describe how we are feeling, or to express a desire, they are powerful. Think about it. Think of how you talk about yourself. When you say “I am angry,” or “I am sad,” you aren’t really making a statement about how you feel, otherwise you would say, “I feel angry,” or “I feel sad.” Instead you are affirming something about yourself. In this instance you are affirming that you are any angry or sad person. You are making a claim about who you are. You are, in a sense, creating your identity. Be mindful of that. What you speak, you become.
As children, most of our identity is formed by what we are taught about ourselves, or the lessons we learn navigating our environments. In the beginning, we internalize the values of our families, biological or otherwise, and the dominant culture. Children, like sponges, absorb what is said about them and how they are treated. For instance, a child that is told they are stupid will begin to believe they are stupid; a child that is neglected may begin to see themself as worthless. On the other hand, a child that is supported will see themself as valued.
As someone of mixed heritage – a multi-racial Latina – I have had a lifetime of thinking about who I am. My mother is an American of German descent, raised in Colombia; my father is half Black, half Gitano, born in Colombia. I was born in Colombia, and raised in East Los Angeles here in the States. There is a whole lot of culture, heritage, and identity in that mix. So much to absorb and choose from.
If there is one thing people of mixed heritage share is a sense that we don’t really “fit” anywhere because dominant culture wants you to conform and put you in a box. I decided long ago that this meant, I “fit” wherever I choose. People often take one look at me, a racially ambiguous looking woman, and ask “What are you?” Fortunately I have a lot of practice so I typically answer with a question: “What do you mean?” Usually they want to know my ethnicity, so my expanded answer will be something that explains my mixed heritage. But if someone wants to know who I am … that calls for a deeper conversation.
I have lived a rich and varied life. My curiosity has led me along many paths. I pursued a formal education. I have read countless books, taught myself languages, broken bread with people from different walks of life and I have traveled. At my big age of 48, I have had multiple careers. All of those things make up parts of who I am now.
Remember those two words: I am? Yeah. I love those two words. I love the power they represent in my life. I love how they allow me to express my identity and show up in this world in a way that feels authentic to me. I love the freedom they represent. I am a mother. I am a dutiful daughter. I am a loyal friend. I am courageous. I am curious, intelligent and bookish. I am a lover of nature. I am fun. I am loving. I am devoted. I am grateful. I am worthy. I am beloved by God. I am in service to humanity. I am so many worlds wrapped up in one. I am my own. I am.
