Last week, Jasi and I were not feeling well. We both barricaded ourselves in separate bedrooms and were down for the count. Just the day before, I had run to the store and purchased lots of fresh produce for a homemade veggie soup recipe, but with the symptoms that rushed my body overnight, I wasn’t up to the task of preparing a homemade anything. Jeff made his rounds, as he had been doing every few hours, to see if we needed anything. “Are you okay?” he would ask. “Are you hungry? Can I get anything for you?” I kept declining his offers. In all honesty, I really wanted to ask him to make the soup, but I thought for sure that he would not want to do it (and that it may have even been too much of a challenge for him). Now, Jeff sure can heat up a meeeean Digornio Pizza, but in the four years that we’ve been together, I have never seen him make a homemade meal that required a recipe. It was nearing the end of the night. My tummy was running on empty, and Jasi was getting hungry too, so when Jeff came back around to check in, I finally gave in and asked politely if he would be so kind as to make the soup for us. After a long pause, he replied with his signature perfect-hubby response that I have gotten from him since the day that we met, “Sure babe!”
I could hear him in the kitchen rummaging through the pots and pans, chopping produce, and running the water. I laid back in the bed, listening to my husband working to take care of us, recognizing what an uncomfortable labor of love this must be for him. Dinner had never tasted so sweet! It was a delicious meal that nourished my body, fed my soul, and warmed my heart. I later asked him how he felt making that meal. Was it difficult? Was it frustrating? Was it challenging? His response was simple yet powerful. “It was easy because all of the required ingredients were already laid out and accessible, and there were instructions to follow.” Wow! Look at that. If we follow instructions, using the ingredients that are required to make a specific recipe, we will not only end up with a successful dish, but we’ll also have very happy hearts and satisfied tummies.
What if we were given an actual recipe for love—one where all of the necessary ingredients to make a relationship successful were laid out for us, and all we had to do was simply follow the directions?
I realized at that moment that marriage and relationships are a lot like cooking, and if you are a person of faith, then you can fully appreciate the necessary ingredients and the instructions that are laid out before us in God’s Cook Book (the Bible).
INGREDIENTS
We can pull fresh and nourishing ingredients from a lot of places in the Bible. Many are familiar with the timeless recipe for love in I Corinthians 13, which calls for ingredients such as patience, kindness, and perseverance. However, lots of other ingredients can be used for an even more flavorful relationship dish.
Humility, for example, is a must-have for a successful relationship. Arrogance and pride have no place in a harmonious relationship; instead, we’re meant to be unpretentious and unassuming, always thinking the best of one another and willing to admit when we are wrong. Humility often calls for us to choose peace over being right by taking a big bite of old fashioned humble pie.
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:2-3(NIV)
Honor is another essential ingredient for creating a healthy relationship. The dictionary suggests that honor is “high respect; esteem.” When in a healthy relationship, we are obligated to present one another with the highest regard and respect. We demonstrate honor in the way we speak to each other, the way we behave, and the way we conduct ourselves (even when we think no one is watching).
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10 (NIV)
Having understanding is also vital for a successful relationship. Because a relationship consists of two very different people merging their habits, experiences, and lives, it’s important for us to try to understand one another. Practicing empathy—the art of seeing situations from the other person’s perspective—is a good way to dwell together in understanding.
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.” – 1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)
Unity is another key ingredient for working together as a team. Unity doesn’t mean agreeing on everything or always having the same interests; it means choosing to stick together in spite of differences. It’s a conscious decision to work together to reach an agreement, compromising when necessary to make decisions together.
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” – Colossians 3:14 (NIV)
Faithfulness may be the most important ingredient in a relationship. It is the foundation of trust. It is a key to having a safe place within the relationship where honesty and vulnerability can rest. When loyalty and faithfulness disappear, so does that trust, making it very difficult to re-establish trust, often obliterating the entire relationship.
“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:9 (NIV)
The secret ingredient is always love.
Take the time to to cook with LOVE…and remember that some of the best meals are actually Slow Cooked
MEASUREMENTS
To achieve a successfully served dish, having the proper amount of each ingredient may be arguably just as important as the actual ingredients. Too much of anything is not a good thing. As with any good dish, if you add too much of one ingredient or not enough of another, or if you fill the pot too full, then it won’t cook evenly.
How does this apply to relationships? Take the time to divide your responsibilities properly, give attention to priorities, and make sure that the relationships that matter the most to you are given precedence. This is vital for ensuring a healthy connection with those you love.
TIMING
Healthy communication is an integral key to any relationship (and especially to a happy marriage). It is important to be sensitive to when to discuss certain topics and for how long. When experiencing a heated disagreement, step back and take only the time you need to cool down and speak rationally. However, it is critical not to let things sit too long. Otherwise, you’ll have to roll up your sleeves and break out your scrub brush to clean up an even bigger mess.
PROCEDURE
Keep the lid on: There are lots of topics and situations that should be discussed only with your spouse and with God. You may be super frustrated at the current moment with something that your partner said or did, but sharing those details with your mother or your sibling or best friend may not be the best decision in your current state of emotion. Why? Because you will most likely calm down and eventually forgive your partner. However, the person with whom you shared those details will have a hard time forgetting what they heard and could hold a level of resentment or disrespect in their heart toward your partner. It is best not to give anyone ammunition against your partner and to simply take your frustrations and concerns to God in prayer. Then communicate your thoughts and feelings with your spouse directly.
Exercise patience: The best, hearty, most flavorful meals take time to cook. In a world where everything is microwavable, be sure to take the time to slow cook your relationships. Trim the fat. Sauté the experiences. Breathe in the aroma of both of your lives mixing together to become one as you simmer together, boiling in heat (okay, maybe I took that analogy too far, but you get the point).
Spice it up: Speaking of “heat”… don’t forget to add spice! There’s nothing worse than a flavorless roast. Spice is necessary for excitement and flavor in the relationship, so get creative and do something risqué. Remember that the bed is undefiled, and pretty much anything goes (as long as it is not a sin against God).
Clean up as you go: Last but not least, don’t forget to clean things up as you go. Deal with problems as they arise. Otherwise, the pile of grievances, hurt, and anger can seem insurmountable, such as a pile of dirty dishes that no one wants to tackle. Whether it’s an intense argument or a passionate love-making session with your spouse, make sure to check in and ensure that all hearts and minds are clear and clean at the end of the day. Don’t let yesterday’s burnt dinner tarnish tomorrow’s possibilities of flavor.
