Valentine’s Day is one of the most intimidating holidays of the year for men and rightly so. It has turned into an event that seems to be all about the women and all about their gift. The idea of trying to find the perfect gift for your wife or girlfriend is often challenging at best. The pressure to find a gift at the last minute doesn’t help and typing “Valentine’s gifts” into Google can further complicate the matter. It’s almost enough to drive a poor guy insane. Truth be told, it’s not because we don’t know how to shop for nice things, or because we don’t know our spouses, it simply boils down to a contest.
There’s lots of creative competition out there these days with all of these content creators trying to draw in the most views on social media with extravagant gifts presented in the most extreme ways. Many of us see our women watch these videos and we can easily feel inadequate. The fact is It seems easier to procrastinate until the last minute, then to just take the time to properly plan something that we know our significant other will enjoy and that usually makes it worse. Although most of us like to think we work better under pressure or do our best work in the clutch, I beg to differ. Waiting until the last minute usually never produces the best results.
While we do want to overindulge our partner with the love and affection that she deserves, it can be discouraging to feel as though our creativity and sometimes even our budgets can never compete with the trending YouTube sensations. I got caught up in this same scenario for my wife’s birthday. I waited until the last minute to plan a trip for my wife’s birthday and didn’t clarify the plans with her, only to remember later that my wife and her sister had already made plans for that same weekend. With only four day’s left before the big day, I told myself, as my wife famously says “ I will figure it out”. I did figure it out.
I decided to do a zoom birthday event to include all the family and friends that lived in other cities. I sent a list of questions out to loved ones, and I took the responses to the questions and created challenges for Melissa. Mel would have to earn her birthday present by answering questions and completing challenges. I announced this game live on the zoom in front of family and friends. I even enlisted the help of the zoom participants. I told them to look out for a call or a text from me or Melissa because we may call on them to help her complete a challenge.
I made some rules and created multiple prizes.
The zoom went amazing and everyone had a great time. I can say it was truly a success. I received so many compliments for putting it together and even heard from some of the guys telling me I put lot of pressure on them because now their women expect the same effort from them. Then it came time to execute on all the challenges, and that’s where waiting until the last minute came back to bite me. Melissa’s challenges required a lot of coordination that included several popular businesses around the city and lots of preparation. Nevertheless, things didn’t go as smoothly as the vision in my head, and over a month later, I still have not issued all the challenges to Melissa.
My wife pulled me aside last week and shared with me that, although my grand prize challenge idea was incredibly creative, she would have preferred that I did something that was planned a bit better with more of an intention to follow through. She even told me that the Zoom itself without the prizes was more touching to her than anything else because I took the time to make something special for her. The Intention was great but because I didn’t take the time to plan properly, the results however, were not so great. I allowed myself to get caught up in the hype and didn’t execute properly. This discouraged me a bit. I really wanted to make my wife happy and with better planning and discipline I know I could have.
You may not be able to put in lots of time and effort or money into this Valentine’s Day for your girl like some of the popular trends out there. But, there is hope fellas! We don’t have to compete at all! The great news is that our wives already have the gift that they want in all honesty. Us! –and I don’t mean that in a facetious or sarcastic way. They married us because at one point, they believed that we could and would make their dreams come true. And we still can! So start here:
- Remember it is NOT a competition. That is not what this holiday is about. We tend to make lots of things competitive when our ego gets involved. But you do not have to compete with the guys on social media. Would the love of your life like a new red Range Rover with balloons that pour out of the front seat when she opens the door, or five foot letters covered in rose petals that spell out her name? I am sure she wouldn’t mind it. But what she really wants is to be treated like the women in those videos: A woman who is respected, loved, and visibly valued by her man, who is not afraid to publicly show his admiration for her. She wants to know that she’s special and that she matters. And that, my man, is something you can do!
- Have your wife take the Five Love Languages test by Dr. Gary Chapman, who is a marriage counselor and author of the best selling book, The Five Love Languages. Once you learn your wife’s Love Language, choose a meaningful gift that says “I Love You” in the language that she speaks and hears clearly. (not the language that you speak and hear.)
- It is okay to keep it simple. After all, minimalism is currently trending. I will suggest though, that if you choose to go the more simplistic route, you do so with a few upgrades. So if you want to do chocolates and roses, maybe consider finding multi colored roses, the kind that almost look as though they have been tie-dyed, and a chocolate in the shape of a unicorn and let your woman know you chose those because you believe that she is one of a kind and a rare find in your eyes.
- Above all else, one of the greatest gifts you can bestow on your bride is your undivided attention. She wants to know that you see her and that you cherish her in a way that makes her completely indispensable to you. So no matter what plans you make for the two of you on Valentines Day, make sure that your wife knows that you find her worth your time and attention. Let her know how much you value and appreciate her and how much you truly admire her.
