By fostering independence, we equip children with the tools to become self-reliant individuals who can make sound decisions, embrace personal responsibility, and thrive as they confidently carve their own path in the world.
As our family prepares for its upcoming Fourth of July – Independence Day celebration, I look at my six children – ages 17 through 23 – and marvel at how they have grown to become mature, young adults. To have five of them visiting home (one of them is a Marine currently on deployment) is truly a blessing. By the grace of God, they are pursuing their life’s passions in college and the military.
My wife of twenty-seven years, Sharnell, and I wanted them to be independent-minded children. But as we look back, we realized that we did not raise them with that explicit focus. Instead, we raised them as siblings who depended upon one another, as they pursued their individual talents and interests. As a result, they grew into independent people who value their family connection.
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
First, before they were born, my wife and I desired to have a family in which we committed to nurturing any of our children’s interests. That meant that whatever school, arts or sports program they showed an aptitude for, we would help them pursue it. So over the years we had multiple schools to attend on “back to school” night, and several routes to traverse to pick up kids from different athletic games or dance rehearsals. But the commitment was something that both of us as parents adhered to even if it made for very busy days and nights.
Second, we established a family tradition: to have dinner together every night as a family. So despite the busy daily schedule, we met at the dinner table to have a meal. There were no television, phone, or electronic devices allowed, only music (not their music 😊) playing softly in the background. We knew this tradition would be impactful, but we didn’t know how much until they reflected on it now as young adults. They expressed how comforting it was to come together to talk about the joyful events or the challenging issues they experienced during the day. They reminisce about how they learned to express their own opinions while respecting others. And they talked about how much fun they had competing in family rap battles and the memory games they created. As parents, we hoped that a daily family tradition would impact their lives in a positive way, but it wasn’t confirmed until they expressed it. Ultimately, what worked for our family was a focus on an environment where the family bonds were consistently strengthened. This helped raise children whose interdependence with family formed the foundation for self confident and independent individuals.