Marriage was invented by God—to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. The keyword here is “reflect.”
God wanted us to see that He loves us so much, even when we hurt Him. A great way to help us, mere humans, understand this was to give us a relationship on earth that is as close as possible to God’s relationship with us in heaven.
Marriage between a man and a woman is the greatest level of unity and intimacy that can exist in a human relationship. Although we might sometimes feel closer to our children than to our spouse, in an intimate relationship, we have the ability to truly become one with our spouse—both literally and figuratively. This phenomenon goes beyond any other human relationship.
When we understand that the intention of marriage was to reflect God’s Love, we can begin to appreciate the profound function and role of our spouse in our lives. Our spouse’s responsibility is to reflect who we are individually—the good, the bad, and even the ugly. What When we understand that the intention of marriage was to reflect God’s Love, we can begin to appreciate the profound function and role of our spouse in our lives. Our spouse’s responsibility is to reflect who we are individually—the good, the bad, and even the ugly. What we see in them is often just us seeing things we don’t like about ourselves. However, it’s often easier to spot in our spouse than in ourselves. Living with someone every day gives us a powerful resource for becoming better versions of ourselves. We see what needs to be changed and can work on fixing it.
Most times, when we look in a mirror, we see things we want to change. Sometimes we see things we like, and it brings a smile to our face. A lot of times, when we catch our reflection—whether it’s in a mirror, a window, or even on our phone when we take a selfie—the first thing we do is adjust or readjust something we feel would look better if changed. Mirrors help us to adjust, look better, and be better. If we apply the same concept to our spouse, recognizing them as a resource for seeing who we are and making adjustments, it would be beneficial to our lives as a whole.
Most of the time, I can honestly say I see my husband more than I see myself in the mirror. He knows me better than I know myself because he pays attention and sees things from a different vantage point. I’ve learned that it’s in my best interest to take his suggestions when offered and to embrace his opinions on areas where I’m doing well and those that need improvement.
If I deflect instead of reflect, I miss out on growth. Deflection occurs when I redirect the focus from accepting my spouse’s input to highlighting his flaws. While his areas might need work too, focusing on them when he’s trying to help me grow damages the relationship. Deflection stifles opportunities for positive change and hinders growth, both in the marriage and within myself. Although uncomfortable at first, embracing reflection fosters lasting growth and strengthens the marriage.
In the long run, embracing the reflection our spouse offers is just like owning up to a bad hair day—it’s uncomfortable at first, but it’s ultimately worth it. And let’s be honest, we all have days when we’d rather hide under a hat than deal with the mess! Marriage is the ultimate mirror. Instead of getting frustrated at every strand out of place, we can use it to adjust, grow, and maybe even laugh at ourselves along the way. After all, a little self-awareness and humor can go a long way in keeping a marriage healthy.
