Let’s be real: human beings lie quite often and about anything imaginable. We lie about small things and big things; we lie to insignificant people, important people, friends, and family. We lie at school, work, and home, on social media, in public and in private, to conceal mistakes, boost our ego, and protect feelings. We have become a society that runs on lies. We even have “Fact Checkers” now to help regulate the lies filtering through our nation. So, why do so many of us lie so often, and why are we afraid to be honest?
Sometimes, it is to avoid consequences, protect others from consequences, or prevent disappointment. Other times, it is to avoid embarrassment, conceal an uncomfortable circumstance, or simply make others think better of us by stating something we wish to be true or want others to think. If honesty is the best policy, then why don’t more of us subscribe to that policy? I believe that society has affected people feeling safe enough to be honest and truthful. While not an excuse to permit dishonesty, we are taught to conceal our emotions more than we are taught to process through them and be honest about them. Some of us were also taught that caring about others’ feelings and needs over our own causes us to be selfish, and it is distasteful to seem selfish. I can definitely relate to this.
Somewhere along my own journey, I started putting others’ feelings above my own. I see how not wanting to disappoint or let people down easily turned into being dishonest. This happens for so many of us. When a friend, a family member, or a business associate makes a request, we may tend to say, “Yes” before we count the cost of that request. We may have genuine intentions on doing everything that is asked of us, but we make promises or agreements that are not able (for whatever reason) to be fulfilled. That’s where we should face the fear of the consequences head on, and be honest with ourselves first, so we can be honest with others. Instead, we may make up something to buy time, rather than being honest, because it seems easier to make up a story or to evade entirely. This is the total opposite of what we actually need to do. The truth is that continuing to be dishonest, and running because of fear, essentially causes more disappointment. Not only are we not able to fulfill our commitments (which can prove to be disappointing by itself) but now we are also adding possible anger, frustration, and distrust by not being honest and taking responsibility respectably.
By avoiding and lying, the disappointment becomes greater as we have let people down, possibly wasted time, lost trust, and now everyone involved feels bad. Often the root or result of fearing honesty is ultimately being dishonest with our own selves. The more we lie to ourselves, the easier it becomes to be dishonest with others. There is hope. I have found that honesty is a muscle that can be fully developed. To overcome the fear of honesty and develop the honesty muscle, we must cease turning from the pain of the truth in the moment, which will save us from living with the long-term effects of being dishonest with others and ourselves. We have to be willing to challenge ourselves and face the unpleasant emotions associated with honesty, because the truth is that although being honest is not always comfortable, it will not kill us. In fact, the truth will set us free.
It is not healthy to continue to sweep things under the rug. Putting the truth off only delays the inevitable disappointments and pain. These situations come so that we can grow and become better versions of ourselves. As we face ourselves with honesty, we will find that there is strength in telling the truth. We don’t have to live in constant fear as we weave a web of dishonesty, but rather can and will be free by taking each opportunity to be honest with ourselves first and then with others. The first steps are the scariest, but the gratification that comes from honesty outweighs the fear. Honesty has been linked to less fatigue, less depression, and less stress. Those reasons alone are enough to work to become honest and beat fear. The quality of your life depends on it.
