I am one of those people who had to grow up quickly due to the circumstances I was brought up in. My parents split before I was one year old, and my childhood was not easy. When I was young, I was very talkative and happy until my mother’s boyfriend was tragically murdered. Following this event, she turned more heavily into addiction as she grieved for her loved one. That is when I knew that I had to take on the task of protecting her. My older brother reciprocated by taking care of me. From then on, my mother’s addiction made my life unstable, and it was a delicate balance between my chaotic life with her and my stable life with my father. I also had to navigate the challenges of being mixed-raced, trying to fit in with both “white” and “black” societies that had different reactions to different cultures. My brother had a hard time coping with the adjustment, causing me to lose the companion I had for protection. Not long after, I left my father’s home when I was sixteen. Homelessness and couch-surfing became a regular part of my life as I sought stability.
Eventually, my mother let me live with her in a drug recovery home, but that did not last either. To make ends meet, I took on three jobs while attending high school, but it was not enough; so I moved to Florida to stay with my mother’s brother. I later made my way back to Massachusetts after gaining a little stability. Sadly, my mother eventually died of cancer. Against all odds, I was able to buy my first house at the age of 21, was elected into office in my city’s school committee, ran for mayor, purchased more homes and businesses, married a beautiful young woman, fathered three kids, and owned my own law firm where I practiced as an attorney.
As a father myself, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to balance everything. For me, it was trying to balance my job as an attorney, my rental properties, my political campaigns, city obligations, running for mayor, my family, my kids, and caring for my mother who was dying of cancer, all while trying to stabilize my own mental health and overcome the struggles and challenges of my past. However, that all changed when I realized that balancing is not even possible. To have actual “balance”, you have to have every item in your life be of equal value. Each area of your life would have to have an equal amount of time given to them to maintain balance, which is utterly impossible. instead, I learned that it is more attainable to aim for harmony rather than balance. When my life is harmonized, everything flows together and it is less stressful.
Fatherhood is not an easy task, but it’s a rewarding one. It’s important to prioritize and integrate different aspects of our lives to find harmony. It’s okay to give certain areas more attention at different times and to give ourselves grace. Finding harmony can lead to a more fulfilling experience as a father.
Dear Daddy,
Thank you for your love that has proven to be unconditional.
Thank you for all of the calls, texts, emails, voice notes, cards, and longwinded conversations that prove how much you think of us.
Thank you for teaching us that memories are the only things worth investing in, that time is short, and family is all that’s important.
Thank you for watching the news so we don’t have to and giving us the bullet points that matter.
Thank you for all of the life hacks, yummy recipes, dinner shortcuts, and instructions on how to fix everything we break
Thank you for protecting, providing and praying for us consistently.
Love Always, Your Children
