StrongHome

An Apologetic Letter to My Mother…Because I Get It Now!

Dear Mommy,

I didn’t understand why your lip quivered when you would watch a touching movie that involved a mother and her child, but now I know that you were fighting back tears that emerged from your own emotional experiences in being a mom.
I didn’t get it when you spanked my bottom to keep me in line and took away my privileges when I did something deserving of punishment, but now I know that you were just teaching me discipline and correction so that I would make better choices in the future when you were not there to guide me.
I didn’t know that feeding us first sometimes meant that you may go to bed on an empty stomach or that giving me your last bite was truly an act of love, but now I understand the sacrifice you made to make sure that your children were satisfied.
I didn’t realize that the reason that I would go days without spending time with you was because you were working two different jobs to help provide for our family, and attending school to better yourself at the same time.
I couldn’t comprehend why your purse was the size of a suitcase and why dad always said you would bring everything with you “but the kitchen sink” when we traveled, but now I get that you were determined to make sure that you were prepared for anything that we could ever need or want when we were away from home.
I made fun of you for wearing high waisted Bermuda shorts, a fanny pack, and a visor hat at amusement parks, but I now see that it was to hide the stretch marks I gave you, to carry all the things I ask you to hold for me, and to protect you from the blazing sun when you have to stand in lines with me for rides on which you didn’t even want to go.
I didn’t know why you used so many words to tell me a story or forced me to journal and taught me to write poems, but now I understand that you were showing me expressive outlets to speak my mind and effectively communicate.
I thought you were a bit over dramatic by stocking up on emergency food and preparing emergency kits in oversized bags for our house and car, but now I understand that it soothed your anxiety knowing that you had a plan for our family if needed.
I never knew why your idea of “fun” was finally getting to take a nap, or why you couldn’t seem to sit down when we had company over for dinner, but now I can see that you hardly found time to rest when you were so busy serving others.
When I was a kid I didn’t realize that I was also watching you and dad grow up at the same time; you were also learning; you didn’t have all of the answers yet, and you made mistakes too.
I didn’t realize that I hurt your feelings or that certain decisions that I made affected you and your life as well.
I didn’t know that my needs almost always came before yours, or that many of the tears that you cried were most often connected to me in some way.
On a rainy day in 2008, I ejected a little miracle of revelations in the form of my own daughter who would be a constant trigger of eye-opening understandings and reminders of just how much heartache, anxiety, pain, joy, pleasure, fear, and happiness I caused you throughout the years and how truly rewarding the journey of motherhood, with all of its jolting emotions, really is.
Thank you, mommy, for bearing with me, for pushing through your own pain and daily frustrations, for fighting your own fears, for holding fast to faith, for loving me anyway, for forgiving me when I said and did things that were unbearable to your soul and when I stung you with my insensitive words. Thank you for seeing the best in me “in spite of”, thank you for investing in me, believing in me, teaching me, talking with me, valuing me, encouraging me, empowering me, uplifting me, scaring me, disciplining me, correcting me, and never ever, ever giving up on me. For all of your support and your strength, for your example and your direction. I adore you mommy, I love you mommy…I thank you mommy.

Sincerely, and from a genuine heart,
Your first born daughter, who is now a mother and finally understands!
And for all the moms out there…don’t worry…they will eventually get it too.
Even if it takes them a lifetime of revelations

Author

Leave a Comment