One of the most vivid memories I have is when my Father announced to my younger Sister, Brother and I that he and my Mother were getting divorced. At the tender age of 10 I felt a level of sadness that I had never known before in that moment. Dealing with the uncertainty of what life would look like without my father was too much to bear at such a young age. It was at that moment that my life had changed forever. My foundation had been ripped from under me, and the instability and insecurity of a home without a father became my new normal. I felt anger and resentment and no longer had confidence in my parents’ love for me.
A few years after the divorce something groundbreaking happened. In what seemed to be a chance invitation to attend a Church service with some friends, I had an encounter that changed the trajectory of my life forever. The love and acceptance that I longed for seemed to be available as I was introduced to a spiritual family in the small Church that I visited. It was strange but familiar; I felt like I belonged there. My relationship with God begin to grow, along with many beautiful relationships with the members of the congregation that I quickly had become a part of. One invite to experience a service was all I needed to quickly decide that this church was my new home, and these people were my new family.
As time went on, another significant event happened. After relocating to Detroit and joining a Church on the rough East Side, I discovered that my Pastor, Ellis Smith, who I had only known for a few months felt a burden to be a father and embrace me as a son. I remember sitting in the restaurant across the table from him as he shared with me what God had placed on his heart. I sat there in complete amazement at the love of my heavenly Father and the willingness of my spiritual father to be an extension of that love to me. The feelings of instability, insecurity, and fear began to give way to the steady and consistent love of my heavenly Father as it was expressed through my spiritual father. I did not know before that moment that God was more than just a distant authority, but I now realized that he was a loving Father who would never leave me the way my biological father did. Due to extenuating circumstances shortly after my conversation with my pastor I ended up living with him and his family. God had given me what my heart longed for, a family. The scripture became real to me in Psalms 68:5-6, where it says that God is a Father to the Fatherless, and He places the lonely in families.
Later in life I began to pastor my own church, and not long after did I have a seemingly “chance” encounter in the gym with a young man named Ebert, and it brought everything in full circle. As soon as he became aware that I was a pastor, he asked if I could do a Bible Study with him. Once again, due to a set of extenuating circumstances this young man ended up living with me. The grace that I had received from my spiritual father now became grace that I would impart to Ebert as well. The power of legacy became more evident, as Ebert began to embrace the fathering responsibility for his own son which he had at an early age. At the time I met him his relationship with his son was somewhat distant. I remember vividly praying for him concerning this matter, and declaring that as he drew closer to his heavenly Father, his Son would draw closer to him. Over the course of the last 4 years I have been blessed to see his relationship with his own son grow stronger and stronger.
What I learned through the pain of the absence of my father’s love, and the healing power of my heavenly Father’s love is by far the most valuable life lesson of all. Father wounds are the deepest, but God our Father knows how to heal them. Having received the love of my heavenly father through my Spiritual father gave me an understanding of what a father does. I became aware of how a father loves, through correction, providing direction, and affirmation. My life is one that could have had a tragic end, as many orphans do. God’s intervention changed my trajectory, and ignited a passion to be that extension of the Father’s love to a generation that so desperately needs it.
