As parents, it is common to see articles on various stages of development in regards to our children, but the stages of development in parenting are just as important to understand. These transitions from one stage of parenting to another affect our daily lives, from our schedules to our relationships. The better we understand these transitions, the more prepared we can be for the changes that come with each stage.
There are six stages of development in parenthood:
Image-Making Stage (pregnancy)
Parents in this stage are imagining what type of parent they will be, what type of child they might have, and are coming to terms with their soon to be roles as parents. Parents in this stage may also reflect on the relationships they have with their own parents and the parenting models that were portrayed to them.
Nurturing Stage (birth to age 2)
During the nurturing stage, parents’ primary goal is to care and bond with their new baby. It is the most demanding stage of parenting and causes parents to reconstruct their identities as they adapt to their new roles. This is the time where parents struggle to determine how much time should be devoted to their child versus themselves.
Authority Stage (age 2 to age 5)
This stage of parenting is demanding in its own right because it is the stage in which you define boundaries and set rules. Parents in this stage must determine what the rules are and the consequences for breaking them.
Interpretive Stage (child in elementary school)
At this age, children are exposed to the world around them and parents must respond to the increase in questions and their complexities. It is in this stage that a parent begins to reflect on their thoughts, beliefs, and values in order to translate them to their child. This process can be challenging as parents are simultaneously deciding how involved they want to be with their child; determining when to step in or encourage their child to make choices independently.
Interdependent Stage (child in teenage years)
The teenage years are for children to develop a separate identity from their parents and it is important for parents to understand that this is a natural process. Teenagers are coming into their own, which shifts the parent/child relationship.
During this time the relationship between parent and child will swing back and forth on the pendulum from connectedness and separation. This stage can also be challenging for parents because they begin to deal with issues that they are inexperienced with, but it is important to focus on two main factors: communication with teenagers and setting limits/giving guidance.
Departure Stage (child leaving home)
As parents become “empty nesters” their role as a parent becomes less central to their identity. The relationship between parent and child shifts again as the adolescent is now making autonomous decisions about their life without their parents’ authority and control. A parent in this stage must renegotiate their relationship with their child and perform the complex balancing act of being constantly available and helpful, but not controlling. When parents at this stage accept their child’s newfound separateness, it marks the beginning of a new connection – with the adult they raised.
Transitioning in Parenthood
It is important to remember that as your child transitions from one stage to the next, you as a parent are also in transition. Just as we give our children permission to make mistakes as they grow, we must give ourselves that same permission to fail. We do not expect perfection from our children, yet we often expect ourselves to be perfect parents – getting it all right all of the time and beating ourselves up if we don’t.
Some of us are transitioning from two or three stages at the same time depending on the ages of our children. Each transition causes changes in our daily lives – some logistical and others emotional – and deserves our attention. It can be overwhelming to go from one stage to the next. Not only do outside relationships tend to shift with each phase, but finances, careers, and marriages shift as well. It is important to reflect on these changes, and give yourself room to grow in each new stage of parenting.
The most beneficial way to support your child through each stage of development is to give yourself the time and space to get a clear vision of the future you need and want for yourself in each stage of parenting. This attention to yourself will allow you to be more present and calm during parental transitions, giving you the ability to be more fully focused on your child’s transitional needs. Ultimately it is most important to give yourself grace and be realistic of your expectations through this complex time of new experiences and emotions.
