StrongHome

Harmonizing

I feel as though I am the epitome of Independence. My life’s motto seems to have always been that “I’ll Figure It Out” with or without any help. Since I can remember, depending on anyone for anything usually resulted in feeling guilty, being disappointed, or owing someone later. I hated all of those consequences and did whatever possible to avoid them. I was the first in line at the DMV on my 15th birthday attempting to get my driving permit so that I could have more freedom. I eagerly drove off to college at age 16 anticipating autonomy. I couldn’t stand being bound by corporate rules and found freedom in the last 15 years of entrepreneurship. I bounced back rapidly from a divorce after a challenging 20-year relationship. I have raised a teenage daughter as a single mother with the sole responsibility of provision falling on my own shoulders, and even after remarrying, I have back up plans for my back up plans in order to maintain my sovereignty. Yet, through it all, I still find myself leaning on my husband for comfort, support, and emotional connection. I still feel lonely without the hugs and affection from my daughter, and I am still lost sometimes without the help of my business partner and friend. I realize that being dependent, independent, and interdependent are different ways of relating to oneself and to others, and all three have there place at one time.

  1. Dependent: Refers to relying heavily on others for support, guidance, and decision-making. Dependent individuals may feel unable to function or make choices without the assistance or validation of others. They may lack confidence in their own abilities and prefer to defer to others for direction. Dependence can manifest in various aspects of life, such as financial dependence, emotional dependence, or reliance on others for basic needs. As children, depending on an adult to help meet the needs that the children can’t is natural and necessary until Independence is taught or learned.
  2. Independent: Independence is the opposite of dependence and refers to the ability to rely on oneself, make decisions, and take actions without needing excessive help or support from others. It involves a sense of self-reliance, autonomy, and personal responsibility. Independent individuals are capable of managing their own lives, pursuing their goals, and solving problems on their own. They value their own opinions and abilities and prioritize their individual needs and desires. Moving into adulthood, we learn to become more independent, whether we are gently guided through the process or forced into it.
  3. Interdependent: Interdependence lies between independence and dependence. It emphasizes the idea of mutual reliance and cooperation among individuals. Interdependent individuals recognize that they are connected to others and that their actions and choices can impact and be influenced by others. They understand the value of collaboration, communication, and shared responsibility. Interdependence involves healthy relationships where individuals respect each other’s autonomy while also recognizing the benefits of working together towards common goals.

Independence emphasizes self-reliance, dependence emphasizes reliance on others, and interdependence emphasizes a balance between individuality and collaboration within relationships and communities. Each of these concepts represents a different approach to personal autonomy and the way individuals interact with others. There was a time where I had to depend on others as a child and a time when I ran from it as an adult. Only now am I learning to settle in the harmonious safe-zone of interdependence with those around me. Understanding the difference of the three can help us accept the seasons that we are in and appreciate each experience as we journey through the process of becoming interdependent and finding that balance.

Author